Fragmented Reality

When I was abusing cocaine, I never wanted to sleep. It became impossible for me to just close my eyes and put myself down for the night. The dreams that I had when I was coming down from cocaine were intense, vivid and downright horrifying. So I never slept and just went further and further out of my mind with anxiety and paranoia. I would get so tired and just fight to keep my eyes open. When sheer will didn’t work, I just did another line until I knew I was good for another three or four hours.  There were stretches where I’d go 36 straight hours without actually sleeping.

After a awhile I was having a hard time distinguishing fantasy from reality. I kept having these awful hallucinations that people were chasing after me and trying to strangle me. For a while they only happened when I was coming down; but as they started to get more and more frequent, I knew that eventually there would be no refuge from these hellish visions. I became chronically paranoid and completely incapable of distinguishing my friends from my perceived enemies. It was an absolutely horrible way to live and I had no idea how to stop it, short of taking my own life.

In the end, I actually tried to kill myself. At first I thought I could just use until I died, but when I ran out, I became frustrated and just started beating my head against the wall. Eventually my friend ran in and rushed me to the hospital. It was here that the rest of my life actually began. The doctor saw the enormous amount of cocaine that I had in my system; but rather than lecture me or treat me like I was a second-class citizen, he waited for me to sober up and told about a place where I could get real help for my cocaine addiction.

At first I wanted no part of treatment. For me, it meant constant withdrawal and an uphill battle that I just didn’t have it in me to fight. My friend, the one who saved my life, pleaded with me to get help and said that it doesn’t get any worse than what I’d gone through. I held onto this thought and made arrangements to enter detox and rehab. This was the first time that I made a valid and committed effort to actually finish treatment and enter recovery. I knew that if my cocaine addiction got any worse, I wouldn’t last the year.

Detox alone took every ounce of strength and courage I had left in me. I had to muster all of my energy and all of my focus to overcome withdrawal, but I did and it was one of the greatest feelings I have ever experienced. Don’t misunderstand me; it felt good to accomplish, but I never want to go through it again. Perhaps most importantly, the hallucinations have stopped and I once again have control over my sleep cycle and sense of reality. 

Finding cocaine treatment centers, cocaine detox programs, cocaine drug rehabs can be a difficult and frustrating process. Contact the National Referral Center for Cocaine Addiction anytime toll-free at (888) 515-7707 or through our online form, for our recommendations of the best medically licensed detox centers for you or your loved one!

Detox should never be attempted in your home or without medical supervision at a licensed cocaine detox facility.