The Strength to Surrender

When you look at someone you love who is addicted to crack, it's often almost impossible to imagine that the person sitting in front of you is the same one you grew up with, married, parented or loved. For a while when I looked in the mirror, I could barely recognize myself. I was always attracted to casual drug use. I'd been kicked out of school for it, but always managed to rely on my parents' wallet to get me out any jams or legal troubles. Although I never met a drug I didn't like, crack was always where I drew the line. I'd seen pictures and PSAs with these haggard and desperate people who looked like they'd do just about anything for another fix. I would look at those ads and think, "All I do is smoke weed and take the occasional pill! I'm nowhere near that bad!"

When I was twenty-five, I'd managed to just squeak by and graduate college. The party that followed was something I'll never forget, particularly because it was the first time I'd ever tried crack. I was drunk and literally down for anything. I'd done cocaine once or twice, but this felt completely different. The entire inside of body seem to just light up and then totally relax. I couldn't believe that this was the same stuff that had given me a bloody nose and kept me up all night. Suddenly all my other little recreational activities seemed meaningless. From now on, I had an exclusive relationship with crack cocaine. 
 
Almost immediately, I started experiencing withdrawal symptoms, but figured they'd subside and that I could endure them for the feeling that I got from crack. Within two months, I was an addict; within four months, I was a criminal; within six months, I was a zombie. This stuff had physically changed me forever. I was 30 pounds lighter, had these ugly marks in my face, and couldn't seem to ever stop moving. 
 
All the while, my parents-who I hadn't seen in four months-had been paying my rent until I found a job. One day my dad came over to check up on me, and found a pipe next to my bed. Then and there he threatened to cut me off if I didn't go with him and enter myself into treatment. When I came into the house, my mother looked at me and started crying, like she'd just seen a monster. I realized that I'd become one of those people from the PSAs. Two days later, my parents checked me into cocaine drug addiction treatment program that specialized in crack. 
 
My previous withdrawal symptoms had led me to believe that detox was going to be a nightmare. While it was no picnic, it wasn't as bad as I thought. Every time I started to think I couldn't take it anymore, one of my doctor's swooped in and made me a little more comfortable. After detox, I started to explore why I chose to live my life addicted to drugs, and realized that I was severely under valuing myself as a person. I chose to move in with parents after I quit rehab, and give them temporary control of my money. I'm on day 231 of recovery, and am working every day to get my life back in order.

Finding cocaine treatment centers, cocaine detox programs, cocaine drug rehabs can be a difficult and frustrating process. Contact the National Referral Center for Cocaine Addiction anytime toll-free at (888) 515-7707 or through our online form, for our recommendations of the best medically licensed detox centers for you or your loved one!

Detox should never be attempted in your home or without medical supervision at a licensed cocaine detox facility.