Pride is More Powerful than Guilt

For a while even after I got off coke, I was a prisoner of my own mistakes. There were days where I just felt completely worthless and came very close, we're talking inches, to relapse. Rehab had helped me get my life back together, but every time I thought about what I had done to the people close to me, I got sick with shame and guilt. I went to therapy twice a week for guidance on how to put the past behind me, but I still couldn't do it. In just three short months, I'd done a complete 180 and had my family, a great job and people who loved me; but I was obsessed with making amends and when I encountered a situation where that was impossible, I found it hard to care or find meaning. 

After I finished treatment for cocaine drug addiction, it felt like anything was possible. I was healthier, more ambitious, compassionate and determined. Item one on my agenda was repairing some of the broken relationships that were hanging over my head. The first time I realized that I couldn't fix some of the things that I'd done; it really took the wind out of my sails and caused me to contemplate the meaning of recovery and life. I started to lose faith in the process and was wondering if I was strong enough to see this new beginning through to the end. 
 
I struggled for answers for a long time and thought a little bit more each day about doing coke again. when I told my wife what I was feeling, she told me that the only people I had to prove anything to was myself and that no matter what happened, I was not myself when I was addicted to coke. She also told me that the only people I had to prove anything to were myself and my family. As hard as this was to accept, it was liberating to not have to fixate on the past anymore. When I finally let myself breathe, I had a much easier recovery.
 
I know that many people entering recovery encounter these feelings of guilt, but I'm here to tell you that once you learn to put it down and accept that you've done everything in your power to make amends, you'll feel much better. It may even save your life like it did for me.

Finding cocaine treatment centers, cocaine detox programs, cocaine drug rehabs can be a difficult and frustrating process. Contact the National Referral Center for Cocaine Addiction anytime toll-free at (888) 515-7707 or through our online form, for our recommendations of the best medically licensed detox centers for you or your loved one!

Detox should never be attempted in your home or without medical supervision at a licensed cocaine detox facility.